


The Wedding Show - The Reunion Special!

by Casey (nic)



Series: The Wedding Show [8]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 06:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nic/pseuds/Casey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the months that pass after Jensen left Jared at the altar, Jensen tries to get on with his life.  But then he gets a phone call....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His decision haunted him, after.

Several weeks later, the final episodes of "Marry Me" went to air.  Jensen wasn't sure if he could bring himself to watch them.  The show had already sent him a DVD of "lasting memories" which had made him laugh bitterly.  He wanted to put the whole experience far, far behind him.  He wanted to forget.

But another part of him knew that he owed the show - he owed Jared - so much and it would do the man a disservice to write him out of his life.

He sat on the couch beside is mom.  She was doing better, so much better.  There was still a long road to recovery ahead of her but she'd been given the fighting chance she needed.  Despite his personal trauma, that alone made the whole experience worthwhile.

His memories of that awful day flashed through his mind.  The worst part wasn't even the cameras that had chased him after he fled; demanding to know what was going through his mind and why he'd done it.  (Watching that on air was going to be excruciating, he remembered stammering out something like, "I don't know, I just can't marry Jared like this."  And then getting the hell out of there.)

He hadn't spoken to Jared since he left him at the altar. Had barely even seen him; the only time they were in the same place was at Blair and Chuck's thousand-guest wedding, where it was all too easy to avoid someone in the crowd without even trying.  And he’d tried, but Jared had just slipped away.

He missed Jared.  Missed him intensely.  It was like missing a limb, the first few weeks.  He kept looking around for the tall presence by his side, wanting to point out something beautiful, or share an inside joke.  But Jared was gone, and nothing could fill that hole except time. 

The thing Jensen hadn’t realised at the time, but knew now, was that he’d not only left Jared, but he’d broken his own heart.  He hadn’t thought through the consequences, he hadn’t realised that Jared would suddenly be gone from his life.  And he hadn’t realised just how damn much it would hurt. 

The cheesy music knocked him out of his reverie.  This was it, the episode he didn't want to see, but had to watch.  The setup, the getting dressed, it was played like the wedding was going to go ahead.  Jared jovially joking with Misha and his sister, looking expectant and happy.  Jensen checking himself out in a mirror.  Everything played for expectant romance.  Until there was a scene of Jensen and Misha whispering; thankfully the cameras hadn't picked up what was actually said, but it looked bad.

Well, it had been bad.  He shuddered in memory. 

He couldn't actually watch as he left Jared at the altar.  His mom patted his hand as he buried his face in a cushion.

But the aftermath, that he couldn't get out of his head.

Finally, there was the interview with Jared.  He looked angry, shocked.  His usual charm was nowhere to be seen and it was like a punch to the gut.  He'd done that.  He, Jensen, had done that to Jared.  It made him sick to his stomach; how had it all gone so wrong? He hadn’t meant to hurt him, he’d only wanted to save him.

"Did you see this coming?" Gretchen asked.

Jared shook his head.  "No.  I thought we were fine.  I want to know what the hell Misha said to him; I want to know what went on."  He drummed his fingers on the edge of the interview couch, looking uncomfortable and upset. 

"And do you have a message for Jensen at all?"

This was it. Jensen braced himself.  After trying so hard to contact Jared in the few days of crazy, he'd given up when he'd flown back to Texas.  He still had Jared's phone number and after a week had passed, he hesitantly dialled the number.

But Jared didn't pick up.  Jared never picked up, not even once of the several times he tried over the next few weeks.

Finally, Jensen had given up on the idea of a call and texted an apology.  He didn't even know if Jared got it.  But he had to try.  "I'm so sorry.  It all got too complicated and I wish I could explain.  Please call me.  Any time."

Then he'd typed another line.  "I still love you."

But then he deleted it because that was the last thing Jared needed to hear from him.

He'd set Jared free.  That's what he kept reminding himself, over and over.  And if Jared had really wanted him, well, wouldn't he have made contact by now?  If he'd learned anything from the wedding show, it was that true love always wins out.  It had worked for John and Dell.  It had worked for Chuck and Blair.

It hadn't worked for him.

And so he had to suck it up and get on with his life, and feel grateful that this episode was at least giving him a tiny bit of closure.

"Jensen..."  TV-Jared swallowed; there was a hitch in his voice.  Jensen's heart constricted.  He remembered every detail so well, the low timbre of Jared's voice when he was being romantic, the scent of his skin, even the feeling of his warm body whenever they were pressed together.  He missed him.  He wanted him still.

"Jensen," Jared tried again, his voice steadier this time.  "You broke my heart."

And that was all he said.

It was all Jensen could hear, over and over, after the episode ended.

\---

 

Jensen got on with his life.  He took a job at the local bar, singing on alternate nights, bartending the others.  He thought about getting his old band back together but that would involve a lot of practice and probably touring and he wanted to stick close to home.

People often did a double-take when they saw him on the street.  It was another reason he loved bar work; it was dark in there and the typical patrons didn't watch reality dating shows.  For that he was grateful.

Every so often, a group of fans would come to one of his performances.  It was fun, playing for them.  The applause was wonderfully enthusiastic (even though part of him wondered if they were cheering for TV-Jensen rather than artist-Jensen, it was still pretty great).  Sometimes they asked him for pictures or autographs and he was happy to oblige.

But thankfully, here in his hometown, he could quietly disappear from the spotlight.

He spent a lot of time with his mom.  They'd been granted the most incredible gift, of extra time, and it had brought the entire family closer together.  Jensen didn't think they'd all been this close since he was a teenager and it was pretty wonderful.  For everything that they'd been through - that _he_ had been through, and even though he suspected he still had a broken heart, it was worth it.

(The truth was, even if his heart was broken, he deserved it.  So he didn't think about it too much.  He just kept reminding himself that he'd done the best thing for Jared.  That was all that mattered.)

The last few episodes of "Marry Me" aired and he was happy to watch them, because it was just Chuck and Blair, and John and Dell.  The producers had built the suspense right up until the final episode, cutting back and forward between the two weddings.  John and Dell's was tiny and they'd actually held the ceremony at night beneath the stars, next to the ocean.  The waves crashing in the background had made such a magical, romantic backdrop.   

Jensen wished he'd been able to attend that one but they hadn't wanted any guests.

And when it came time to sign the official documents, they had meekly confessed that they were already married (they'd had a secret courthouse union the day after the house had burned down) and were summarily disqualified.

Which meant that Chuck and Blair were the winners.

Not like it was a surprise to anyone.

They'd been frontrunners all the way along.  They'd thrown the most incredible, perfect wedding, in a huge cathedral, complete with a choir, five gorgeous attendants each, and they were married by the head of the church.  Every detail was perfect, every colour resplendent.

And despite all of that, the most beautiful part of all had been the looks on Blair and Chuck's faces when they saw each other.  Jensen had been in the congregation several rows back, sitting with John and Dell (Jared was on the other side avoiding them all), and even at that distance, he teared up when seeing their faces.

The vows were heartfelt, the kiss genuine and sweet.

He tried to not think of the fact that it could have been him.  Him and Jared, promising themselves to each other, overjoyed at a future together.  They could have gone all the way if he hadn’t freaked out; it could have been them with a beautiful wedding.  But as it turned out, only Chuck and Blair were the ones to see it through. 

They deserved to win.  (Even if they were sometimes outrageously obnoxious and ruthless, well, that was the personality type that won, right?)

Jensen found himself watching the occasional episode of "C&B in NYC!" which followed the couple on their honeymoon and beyond.  Reality TV really could be addictive, especially when he knew the people in question.

But beyond that, Jensen was pretty sure he'd have nothing to do with TV ever again.

That was, until the phone rang one Tuesday afternoon.


	2. Chapter 2

"Welcome to... The 'Marry Me' Reunion Show!"

The audience cheered and it was like being back in time; with the screaming girls and all twelve other competitors milling about.   Just like the start of the show, they'd been split into two groups, not allowed to see the other person until they met face-to-face on stage.  (Which had to be a little weird for the couples who'd stayed together; John was relaxed in a chair like he didn't have a care in the world, which he probably didn't.  After all, he'd arrived with Dell, there was no big drama in suddenly having to face her again.) 

Jensen couldn't believe he'd been suckered into this.  Every instinct in him told him to refuse when the phone call came, but it turned out there had been a footnote in the contract that said should ratings be good enough, they were obligated to be part of one final episode after the competition had ended.  No matter how many months later it was.

They milled about the green room, watching the monitors, waiting for their cue. 

"It's been six months since Chuck and Blair's magical wedding warmed the hearts of the entire country and we have eagerly followed along with their journey since then."  The screens displayed the favoured couple; they were practically royalty at this point.  "But what of everyone else?  Were there any more surprises?  Who stayed together?  Who got back together?  Stay tuned as we reminisce and find out what happened next!"

Stuck between Lee and Xander, Jensen realised the three of them were the poster boys for single, pathetic men.  Although Jensen himself was the one who'd done the dumping.  Hmmm.  He was probably on the wrong side of the stage then, and should be hanging out with Cordelia and Kara, but there was no way that was going to happen.  Kara was Jared's friend.

He wondered if Jared and Kara had hooked up after the show. 

Or if Jared was dating someone else by now.

He had no idea and none of the other competitors had been able to tell him either.  Lydia had given him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder when she saw him again.  "You did the right thing, Jen," she said.  "I would've done the same if Stiles hadn't tipped my hand."

They'd ended up sitting next to each other during make-up and even though it wasn't the best place for a private conversation, it was such a relief to finally talk to someone who understood. 

"Why did you stay so long?" he asked her.  If she had known it wasn't right, that she and Stiles were never meant to be, but she'd stayed on the show anyway, it made Jensen feel a little better about his own decisions.

Lydia sighed.  "I don't know.  I think I got caught up in all of the drama and it never really seemed totally real, you know?  It was so obviously a game because we were being filmed all the time and because of that, it didn't seem to matter what I did?"  Her make-up artist firmly grasped her chin and she shrugged, to apologise for moving.

"But some people did fall in love," Jensen countered.  "Do you think that was fake too?"

"Maybe, maybe not."  Lydia turned to look at him while the artist was busy choosing colours.  "Do I think Chuck and Blair would have gotten married if they hadn't been thrown together in the craziness of this show?  No.  At least not for several years.  But there was something about all of this that bonded people."  She paused.  “Stockholm syndrome?”  There was a wicked glint in her eyes as she said that. 

"Yeah," Jensen agreed sadly.  He decided there was no sense in hiding the truth from Lydia, and for once, the conversation wouldn't be shown to the world.  "It made me fall for Jared but at the same time I could never be sure that what either of us was feeling was real."

"Exactly!"  Lydia patted his arm.  "That's why you did the right thing by walking away, especially if marriage is really important to you.  And now we all know why you needed the money, well, we _all_ needed the money,” she corrected herself.  “But you needed it more than the rest of us."

"Did you see that Chuck and Blair donated most of their winnings to charity?"  That was John, rotating into the spot next to Lydia for his turn in hair and make-up.  "And they made a sizeable donation to my political fund."

"Good for them," said Jensen.  It made sense; Chuck and Blair were already filthy rich and it would have garnered a lot of goodwill for the couple.  How was it that they were the media darlings and Jensen was the bad guy?  It made no sense!  "Pretty amazing how much everyone loves them, though."  The three of them laughed, remembering just what it was like to live in a house with Chuck and Blair on their more extreme days.

"Don't worry, Jen," Lydia revealed, "you still have a lot of fans too."

He kind of knew that, from the numbers that had shown up to his concert, but he still wondered about what the general public thought.  "How do you know for sure?" he asked.

"I've turned this whole experience into my research project," she said.  "Studying trends and the voting preferences of the various groups.  The show didn't make you into a bad guy; they cast Kate as the villain.  You got to be the tormented soul whose mother was dying and because of that, you lost your way."

He sighed.  Exactly what he _hadn’t_ wanted.  But the show was over now and he had detached from most of it.  The only remaining problem was that he had to see Jared one last time.  Had to get through one last stage performance.  And then he was done. 

Now here he was, waiting backstage, the nerves growing.  He was about to see Jared for the first time in over 6 months.  For the first time since he'd broken Jared's heart (and, unexpectedly, his own).  In a way, it was like re-opening an old wound.  Time had helped the feelings and he'd done his best to move on, but still, he wanted closure.  He needed closure.

Most of all, he needed to apologise to Jared face to face and know that Jared heard him.  He didn't expect forgiveness or even an acknowledgement, but the chance to say it, to explain that he never, ever wanted to hurt Jared, that he was just trying to save him, well, it would be his long-overdue confession. 

And beyond that...he wanted to see Jared.  Jared owned part of his heart.  He probably always would.  And this would be it, his final chance to be near the man, living breathing, close.  His final chance to look into those eyes and remember what it was like during those brief few weeks when they were in love and everything seemed possible. 

It was his chance to say goodbye. 

One by one, the couples were called to the stage.  There were quite a few surprises - Kiralee and Julian were expecting a child together.  Payson had run away from home the minute she turned 18 and moved into Sasha's trailer with him.  And to no one's surprise (except maybe Stiles himself), Stiles and Derek had been together since the night of the fire and were actually discussing marriage. 

“Did you know,” teased Gretchen, “our computer actually came up with Stiles as Derek’s perfect match?”   Stiles looked surprised; Derek had his typical taciturn expression. 

“No way!” said Stiles.  “That would’ve been weird; I don’t think I was ready to see my best friend as a lover back then.”

“You weren’t,” Gretchen said, “because you ticked only women as your preferences.  Otherwise you two might have been together from day 1!”

Stiles squeezed Derek’s hand.  “I think it was more fun this way.” 

“It was certainly more fun for us!” added Lydia.  (Kate was in jail and therefore hadn’t returned for the reunion show.)  “You two might not have realised it, but Blair, Ana-Maria and I had a lot of fun trying to push you two together.”

Derek blushed; Stiles just grinned.  It seemed he’d been totally oblivious until Derek’s tongue had been in his mouth during spin the bottle.  “What can I say but thank you?”

The audience cheered wildly, happy that things had worked out in this case.  

And of course, the two power couples, John and Dell, Chuck and Blair, were still blissfully happy together.

The rest hadn't done so well.  Most were single; Captain Jack appeared to have a new girlfriend or three (it was hard to get a straight answer out of him) and Natasha and Clint refused to say if anything had happened between them or not.

Of course they were saving Jared and Jensen for last.  The biggest drama got the biggest ratings, right?  The producers had come to Jensen in advance and asked him what he wanted to say.  They'd encouraged him to make some big, dramatic gesture, like an apology that involved raining heart-shaped balloons from the ceiling as he threw himself in front of Jared.

He had respectfully declined.

That just wasn't him, and he knew that everyone was expecting a big deal, but he didn't want that.  He just wanted to get this over and done with.

Because he was freaking out.

This was it, the moment after all those months where he would finally be face-to-face with Jared.  Jared couldn't run away any more; he was contractually obligated to be in the same room as Jensen, sitting on the same stage, answering the same questions. 

Surely he wouldn't ignore him?

“Please welcome to the stage… Misha Collins!”

Misha.  Of course.  Jensen didn’t know whether to be mad or glad.  Mad, because Misha would be a buffer between the two of them.  Glad, because Misha would be a buffer between the two of them.  Misha had become a fan favourite and brides around the country kept trying to hire him for his wedding planning “talent”.  And to be fair, Misha had made the show a lot more bearable for all of them. 

“And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.  Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, please come on down!”

He took a deep breath and walked onto the stage.

The lights were bright.  The cheers were deafening.  And there was Jared, on the opposite side, just like he had been over six months ago.  Only this time, Jensen wasn’t running away.

Jared looked thin.  He’d lost weight but he still looked incredible to Jensen, despite the dark circles under his eyes.  But more than that, he held himself tightly, like he had shut down his gregarious personality and had retreated.  It was easy to understand why.

They met in the middle of the stage and Jensen didn’t know what the hell to do.  A hug?  Too personal.  A nod?  Nothing at all?  He didn’t even know if he should smile or not as Jared met his gaze.  There was nothing to read in his eyes other than cool control.  “Jensen,” he said.

“Jared.”  That was all he could manage.  He stood there, frozen.  Finally, Misha saved them, coming up between them and linking one arms with each of them. 

“My amigos!” Misha said.  “Come, sit with me!”  And thankfully they were now on the interview couch with Misha safely in between them, no need to look at each other any more.

Gretchen looked positively gleeful with the tension on stage.  “Well, boys, I guess you don’t know what to say to each other!  I wouldn’t either in your case.”

“Now, now, Gretchen,” said Misha, “Let’s give them some time.  I want to hear all about what you guys have been up to!”

“Great idea,” said Gretchen.  “Jared, I hear you’ve been keeping yourself very busy in Hollywood?”

Finally, Jared smiled, and he started talking about his recent projects.  He’d filmed both a horror movie and a TV pilot and Jensen couldn’t help but smile as he saw how happy and proud Jared was of his work.  He was working hard and achieving his dream. 

“What about those paparazzi photos we all saw of you and a certain actress?” Gretchen probed.

Jared blushed.  “Um, no comment.” 

Jensen’s heart sank.  But he kept a smile plastered on his face; he had no right to be upset over who Jared was dating.  Jared could date whoever the hell he wanted.

The audience also seemed upset, it seemed that a lot of them were still hoping for Jared and Jensen to get back together.  He glanced out beyond the lights; some of the fans even had made signs with their names inside hearts, and OTP written in bold letters.

If only life were as simple as fiction.

“What about you, Jensen?”  It was his turn in the spotlight.  “Anyone special in your life?”

“My mom,” he answered, deadpan, and it earned him a combination of “Awws” and cheers. 

“We hear that she’s doing really well!”

“She is,” he allowed, and then went on to talk about how great it was to be spending time at home and the work he was doing with his music.

“We’ve had a lot of inquiries here at the show if you’re going to release an album,” interrupted Gretchen.  “Do you think that’s something you could do soon?”

Jensen shrugged.  “If you think people would actually buy it….”

“We would!” shouted several audience members.

He smiled.  “Well, I guess I could work on that!”

“Make sure your song for Jared goes on there.”  Ah, there it was, the kicker.  He hadn’t performed that song in over six months and he didn’t think he would ever again.  Then Jared surprised him.

“Yeah, you should put that one on there,” he said.  “It was good.”

Stunned, Jensen said, “Um, thanks.”  He glanced over at Jared; their eyes met for a second, and then they both looked away.

“So….”  Gretchen let the word hang in the air.

“So…?” Misha teased.

“So I know that you boys have a lot to say to one another.  Who wants to go first?”

Jensen didn’t even think about it, but lifted his hand.  “I owe Jared an apology.”  He twisted in his seat so that he was facing Jared, forcing himself to make eye contact.  His heart was hammering in his chest.  “Jared, I should never have done that to you.  I am so, so sorry.  The whole thing was my fault and I just want you to know how sorry I am.”

Jared met his gaze for a moment, then looked away.  He wrung his hands together.  “You know, Jensen, I get that.  And for a long time, all I wanted to know was why.  What did I do to make you run? What signs did I miss?”  He was shaking his head; it seemed he was still wondering. 

“It wasn’t anything you did, it was me,” Jensen quickly interrupted.  “It was all me, and I’m sorry.”  He wanted to say more, so much more, but couldn’t. That would only detract from what he was trying to say, and the truth was, he didn’t want to give excuses. He just wanted to apologise. 

The studio was quiet for once as Jared pondered his words.

Finally, he looked up, across at Gretchen, the audience, then back to Jensen.  His face was carefully controlled, his voice steady.

“I was angry for a long time,” he said.  “I was angry at Jensen, at Misha-“ and here, he patted Misha’s knee and said, “Sorry about that, buddy,” – before he continued.  “At my family for not supporting the marriage and at the show for putting me through all that.

“But most of all, I was angry at myself.”

He paused, collecting his thoughts.

“Jensen, you were right.”

Jensen’s mouth fell open in shock.

“I wasn’t ready to get married.  I was still in rebound.  And everyone could see that except for me.”  He managed a small, tight smile.  “So I guess this is me saying thank you.  You don’t have to apologise.  You saved us both from making a big mistake.”

He stood up then, and Jensen found himself standing up also.  They stood directly across from each other, man to man, thinking, assessing, remembering.  “Thank you, Jensen,” Jared said, and held out his hand.  As they shook hands, Jared whispered an afterthought, “For everything.”

“Thank you,” Jensen replied numbly.  They stared at each other for a long moment.  Then Jared let go of his hand and sat back down.  They ignored the people in the audience shouting, “Kiss Him!”  They ignored Gretchen’s prompts.  They’d done what they were paid for and no one could ask them for anything more.

Jensen was still sitting there impassively as Gretchen invited all of the other contestants back on stage for the final send-off.

They were done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at 3 distinct stages in my life.
> 
> Stage 1 - I was single and about to move across to the other side of the world.
> 
> Stage 2- 4 years later - and I was falling in love.
> 
> Stage 3 - 3 years later still - and I'm now married to that man I met 3 years ago(!!!)
> 
> This is why the cast of this series is a mixture from old fandoms and new. I also used other characters from TV that I love.
> 
> Jensen's first two dates were Kristen Bell and Kandyse McClure (Dualla from "Battlestar Galactica").
> 
>  
> 
> THE CAST OF THE WEDDING SHOW (in order of eviction):
> 
> (12) Kiralee and Julian - Kira and Bashir from "Deep Space Nine" (I always shipped them because they had chemistry; turns out it was in real life.)
> 
> (11) Harry and Hermione - Harry Potter (one of my favourite pairings)
> 
> (10) Payson and Sasha - "Make it or Break it". In the show she was a teenage gymnast in love with her coach, in my head they got together once she was old enough.
> 
> (9) Cordelia and Xander - "Buffy". I loved this pairing on the show, sadly it wasn't to be.
> 
> (8) Natasha and Clint - "Avengers" - obviously I wrote this during the early years of "Avengers" movies when they seemed a more likely pairing. They withdrew from the show due to Avengers business.
> 
> (7) Kara and Lee - "Battlestar Galactica - a pairing that again was never meant to be (but had potential).
> 
> (6) Ana-Maria and Jack - "Pirates of the Caribbean". I don't really ship Jack with anyone, and Ana-Maria was an awesome character, which is why I included them. For the fun of it.
> 
> (5) Kate and Derek - Well, "Teen Wolf" was very popular in 2013 which is how Stiles and Derek ended up in this fic.
> 
> (4) Stiles and Lydia - When I first wrote this, this pairing was ludicrous. But now it's real. ::shrug:: This is why it's fic!
> 
> (3) Jared and Jensen - Well, they would have won if Jensen hadn't left Jared at the altar! :p They had the votes and momentum! 
> 
> (2) John and Dell - John Sheridan and Delenn from "Babylon 5". The best example of soulmates I have ever seen on TV. They deserved to win the reality tv show if it was based on true love (but the audience found them a bit boring.)
> 
> (1) Chuck and Blair - "Gossip Girl". If you guys even remember that show. Fabulous OTP, fabulous schemers, so of course they won.
> 
> * * *

The wrap party raged late into the night.  Now that filming was over, the pressure was off and they could talk to whoever they wanted to.  It was actually a fun reunion after all, Jensen reflected, after he’d spent half an hour or so chatting to Dell and swapping stories.

He was acutely aware of Jared the entire time as they moved through the party in separate spaces.  But that was okay.  Knowing that Jared didn’t blame him, that Jared didn’t hate him, made everything seem so much better.  Even if they didn’t talk, they could exist in the same space and it was okay.  Jensen could breathe again.

He found himself outside as the party was winding down, wanting a moment to himself away from the music.  It was crazy thinking over everything they’d done.  The stunts!  The challenges!  The house parties and the quiet nights; it had only been a few short months of Jensen’s life but it had left him with a lifetime of memories.  From the first moment where he’d laid eyes on Jared at the auditions, to the dress shopping, the skydiving proposal… so many wonderful moments.  He was glad he’d experienced them. 

He was glad he’d gotten to know Jared.

And it was Jared who suddenly appeared beside him now, in the half-light of the moon.  It was still and silent which made Jensen even more aware of the man beside him.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hi,” Jared replied. 

They leaned against the wall, side by side, hearing distant sirens before they died away.  It was several minutes before Jared began to speak.

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to talk to you today,” he said.  “I knew I had to see you on stage but they promised me that Misha would be there.”

“I get that,” replied Jensen.  “I wouldn’t have wanted to talk to me either.”

A ghost of a smile crossed Jared’s face at that.  “I’m not even sure if I should be talking to you now.  I had to work hard to put it all behind me, Jensen, and this might be a step backwards, but…”  He shrugged.  “I don’t know.  You’re here and I’m here.  So there’s that.”

It was so strange, being alone with Jared after all these months.  He would have given anything for this moment on that terrible not-wedding day, but now, it just seemed distant and hazy. 

“Jared, I-“  It was so hard to find the words.  “Thank you.  What you did for me and my mom, I can never, ever repay you for that.”  He paused, hoping Jared knew just how much it meant to him right now that they were even talking.  “Even though the show ended so badly for both of us, I hope you know that I don’t regret the show. I just regret hurting you.”  He looked down.  “I regret it so much.”

Shrugging, Jared stared off into the darkness.  “I get that now,” he said.  “I didn’t at the time.  But I had to let it go.”  He kicked a rock.  “We both got what we wanted, right?”

He was right.  Even though it didn’t feel that way.  “Yeah.”

“I guess that means we did win.”  There was a hint of a laugh, but it held bitterness.  “What a team, huh?  We convinced the world we were in love just long enough to get to the finals.  Problem was I started to believe it too.”

And now was the moment where Jensen had a choice – to try and explain, or to leave the door closed.  After all, they had their closure.  Tonight gave them both the chance to move forward with their lives and leave this whole thing behind them. 

But he owed Jared the truth.  “It wasn’t just you,” he said.

“Then why didn’t you tell me you were having doubts?”  Jared turned to him, suddenly angry.  “I thought everything was great!”

“I don’t know.”  Jensen had no good excuse.  “I convinced myself that you raised that money to set me free.  To give me an out.”

“God, Jen, no!”  Sadness crossed his face.  “I would have done that for _any_ friend who needed helping out.  You should’ve known that!”

“Then why didn’t you tell me beforehand?” he protested.  “I didn’t know what you were thinking; it all happened at the last minute and when I needed to talk to you the most, you were nowhere to be found!”  Jensen pounded his fist against the wall, needing to feel the solidity behind him.  “I tried, Jared.  Believe me, I tried to tell you but I left it too late.  And that’s on me.”

“Not just you,” Jared’s voice was surprisingly sympathetic.  “I had a lot of time to think this over, remember?  It was both of us, and I know the producers manipulated us too.  They kept us apart on purpose.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said sadly.  “I guess they got the drama they wanted.”

They were both silent for a while, Jensen leaning sadly against the wall, Jared pacing back and forward.  Why were they still out here?  Was there anything left to say?    

“You know what my biggest regret is, Jensen?” Jared finally said.  He had his back to Jensen, not looking at him.

“What’s that?”

“That not only did I lose my future husband, but I lost my best friend as well.”

Best friend.  It was true.  No wonder Jared’s absence had left such a hole in his life.

“And I was too wrapped up in my own misery to pick up the phone and call him so that we couldda tried to sort it all out. Maybe I would’ve yelled at him.  Maybe I would’ve punched him.”  (Jensen kind of felt like if that had happened, he would’ve deserved it anyway.)  “But the thing is, now we’ll never know what would’ve happened next.

“Do you wonder, Jensen,” he said, suddenly spinning and facing him, “what would have happened if we just met by chance?  No auditions, no computer matching, just you and me?”

Jensen’s heart leapt into his throat.  Meeting Jared without any pressure?  It was something he’d sorrowfully dreamed about, before resolutely putting it out of his mind.  That was the road not taken, a different life.  And as much as he might have wished he’d met Jared some other way, the truth was they hadn’t, and whatever chance they’d had was already tainted.

“I wish we’d met by chance,” Jensen confessed, looking down.  “Because I loved you, Jared.  I really did.”

There.  He’d said it. 

“And I fucked it up.”

“We both fucked it up,” Jared said soberly.  “I had no business signing up for a dating show when I wasn’t even ready to date yet, let alone get married.”  He let out a frustrated sigh.  “God, why didn’t we talk about this on the show?”

But then he answered his own question.  “But you know and I know that I was lying to myself.”

“Your family knew you weren’t ready,” Jensen said softly.  “I wish I’d listened to them earlier.  They really love you, Jared; they know what’s best for you.”

“They do.”  He started pacing again, saying, “We’re both pretty lucky, we both have amazing families who love us.  I just couldn’t see that, I couldn’t see anything clearly after Sandy.  The whole time, I was trying so hard to make you fall in love with me that I forgot to ask myself what I really wanted.”

That hurt, hearing that.  And Jensen was so very conscious of the fact that although he’d bared his soul to Jared, Jared hadn’t said it back.  Hadn’t said he had loved Jensen too.  And maybe that was the sad truth and the real reason he’d walked away; he’d known it wasn’t real.  

“When did you figure it all out?”  Jensen wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the answer to that.  But he suspected he already knew.

“After I watched the episodes again, a few weeks ago,” Jared confessed.  “It’s amazing what you can see with a little distance and perspective.”

“Yeah.”

“We were great, Jen.  We were funny.”

“We really were.”

For a moment, they smiled sadly at each other, lost in memory.

Jensen wanted to reach out to Jared, to touch him.  Hugging was too much, a handshake too impersonal.  But anything in between still seemed too intimate.  Closeness like that belonged to the old Jared and Jensen, their younger selves who didn’t yet know how to guard their hearts.

He knew he should walk away.  They were over, done.  He should leave now while his heart was still intact. 

“Why are we still out here?” Jared wondered aloud.

“I don’t know,” Jensen answered.  “I guess I still like your face.”  It was a joke but it held a truth.  There was nothing left to say, no more explanations or apologies were necessary.  But there was still something there, something that kept them.  Expectancy hung heavily in the air.

“You know,” said Jared, moving closer, “if this were a TV show, this is the part where we’d fall back into each others’ arms and declare our undying love.” 

“But this isn’t a TV show anymore.”  Part of Jensen’s brain cursed him for saying that.  Part of him was glad. 

“Then how do you want the story to go?” 

Jared was asking him.  Giving him the choice, as he stood before him, large, solid, real.  The man who had done so much for him and so much with him.  Made him laugh, cried with him, been his rock, and been his downfall.  Did he dare open that door again, even a crack?  Could he go through all of that again, not knowing the outcome this time?  With no show, there were no guarantees.  And maybe things were better that way. 

He reached out, not to hug, but to take Jared’s hand.  He gave it a gentle squeeze.  A foreign emotion surged through him; it took him a moment to recognise it as hope.  “I think we need to start a brand new story,” he said.

Jared squeezed his hand back, before letting it drop.  He squared his shoulders and met Jensen’s eyes with a new confidence.  With fearless resolve, he said, “Hi.  I’m Jared Padalecki.”

Jensen grinned broadly as he shook Jared’s hand.  “Hi, I’m Jensen.”  A breath.  “And I’m very happy to meet you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an epilogue to follow, but in the meantime, I hope you enjoyed the crazy ride that was The Wedding Show. :)


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